Remember to Remember

Life takes us down different paths some rocky some narrow. I guess I spent most of my life looking out at the world from what seemed to be a dungeon. Those of you know that in the past two years I have made a few drastic changes in my life. Well I guess you can say that I have actually have a life now. After waking up disgusted with the way my life had turned out I started working my way out of the rut I felt I was in. The first thing I did was get my truck running so I could get a job. I wasn't picky I just took the first job I could get which was working in the Kroger Deli. I stayed there while I wrote my first book Out of the Texas Mist. Once that was in the works to get published I ended up moving over two hundred miles from everyone and everything I knew.
There was two people that gave me a roof over my head until I was able to get out on my own. I will always thank Don and Sharon for that. I was able to rent a little trailer from them until I met this guy who seemed to stir up all kinds of emotions in me. I have been gone from my family for more than a year and I do miss them dearly. I know I sit here silently and ponder where I am headed next and there are times I am so tired from work all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.
Yesterday John brought up the fact that I am not the same person he met a little more than six months ago. He said that I had become quiet and sullen. He said that he missed the Cindy that he had met and grown so fond of.
I didn't realize that I had fallen back into those deep dark caverns that I had struggled so hard to climb out of. Heck I still have some of the scars from the fight for freedom. I have problems trusting men and I refuse to believe that I am worthy of any ones love other than Mater and Bridget. I lay in bed last night listening to the night sounds and I realized that I had failed to change the channel when negative thoughts took me over. I had allowed others negativity to rub off on me. I had allowed the circus that most people know as Wal-Mart to suck me under into the dark abyss. This morning as I rode silently to work I made an oath to myself. I promised that I would REMEMBER TO REMEMBER. I had came a long way and I was not going to let a few set backs put an end to my journey. I still do not know where exactly I belong but I do know that a great family has taken me in and made me one of theirs. Jim and Lydia are angels in their own right. I have a place to lay my head and food to nourish my body. John has became a great friend and confidant. I could not think of anyone else I would like to go fishing with. Mater and Bridget are happy here on the ranch and we all feel safe. I need to remember to be grateful with each step I take. I need to be appreciative of all that I have. I need to count my blessings and thank those that I see everyday that add to my life. I have great friends and a great family both here and back in Spring. I will not let those little bumps in the road knock me off course. Back to being positive. Thank you John for bringing the back sliding to my attention. Sometimes it takes a little tough love. Now that I know I was coasting I think it is time I take control of my life once again. I will start by calling my publisher tomorrow to see what the hold up is on Dead X's in Texas. They sent out an email stating the books are on sale for a huge discount. I can start by telling everyone I know to go to http://publishamerica.com and type in my name at the search box to order a copy while it is cheap. Heck it is over a $20 savings from the list price. I will get my butt in gear and really push both books. If I am going to ever escape Wally World I have to be persistent and positive.
Tally Ho