Lessons Learned

There is one thing I am learning through this fight against cancer; you cannot predict how you will feel day to day.  Usually after that first week of chemo I know I will be in bed most of the time and very week. The week after is better and I am able to do some things but in a limited amount of time. The third week is my good week just before my next chemo appointment.

That theory was blown out of the water this week. Yesterday I woke up sick spewing from both ends. I took my anti-nausea pill then ran to the bathroom to give it away. Needless to say I went back to bed and stayed there between trips to the bathroom. John gave me a bowl of rice for lunch then we both took a long nap. The weird thing was by dinner time I felt better and ate a nice meal.

I got up this morning feeling the same so I got a jump on this mess by taking my meds as soon as I got up.  John lectures me about being patient with myself. I have patience for everyone and everything but me. I know that has something to do with my past but I still get aggravated with myself regularly.

I was told early on by every doctor that I had the pleasure of talking with that I had a very dangerous form of cancer that was fast growing and deadly. (I thought all cancers were deadly) They followed up by the best treatment is to hit it early with chemo… a lot of chemo. Then the disclaimer; Chemo can cause severe health issue and even death.

Okay I understand that the treatment can be as bad as the cancer but we have come so far in cancer treatment. Medicine today is so different than it was 10 years ago.  Every day they learn something new that will be beneficial tomorrow. The nice people that work in the health care industry deal with these issues every day and learn something new all of the time. The nurses and techs in the infusion center always ask us about our symptoms and how we handle certain issues that plague us after chemo. They share with us what has worked for others. I am forever grateful to these people. I know their jobs can be tedious and heartbreaking at times.

I am told by so many people that they are amazed by my positive outlook. It has not always been there. I survived 2 suicide attempts. My daughter in law Elizabeth shoved a book in my hand after the second attempt that changed my life. I felt like life was hopeless. I was trapped in an abusive marriage and could not see the sunshine for the clouds. That little book was “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne.  After reading that book my life changed. I learned how to change my life by thinking only the good thoughts. Soon the Universe began to change and move things. Thanks to the Universe and God I now have a wonderful loving husband and a happy life. Yes I have this little hurdle named cancer to get over but that is okay because it happened for a reason and with it there will be lessons to learn, opportunities to explore and blessings to be grateful for. How else would I have ever been able to get new boobies and a fresh new head of hair?

She needs to get a clue

It has been 7 days since my after chemo shot and for some reason I am having a sick day. Usually by this date I am in my building week and I am able to do some things. Possibly since I had two doctor appointments this week I used up what good energy I had on those days so now I need to rest and build back up. I need to remind myself that with chemo nothing is certain other than you will be tired and feel sick.  

As I sat in the little examining room yesterday waiting for my turn to see the doctor I was able to hear what was going on in the adjoining room. Dr. Samiian walked in and was explaining to the patient that she did indeed have breast cancer. She explained the different treatment plans and the process. The patient was more concerned with losing her hair than the fact she could lose her life without treatment. I wanted to yell out what is more important your hair or your life?

I am not my hair and I am not my breast. I am a thriving woman that just happens to have breast cancer. I fight with every ounce of my being and I do not let these things define who I am. I am caring, industrious, grateful, driven and happy. That is what describes me.

I think this lady needed to Get A Clue from Cindy Lou!

I told you so you dumb aliens!

Today I had an appointment for my follow up mammogram and ultrasound as well as an appointment with the breast surgeon. After spending a good bit of time sitting in a room full of bra-less women in pink robes watching everyone messing with their phones I attempted to draw the lady next to me into a conversation and luckily for her they called her name and she left.

The technician came for me a little while later and after she squished and contorted me a few times she said “Put your robe back on and come look at this” I walked over and she put my first mammogram results on the screen next to the new ones. “Look at what you did” she exclaimed as she showed me the difference between the two photos. “You went from a 2 cm on both tumors to less than ½ cm. That is like from the size of a quarter to less than an m&m. The lymph node is just a speck” she added as she gave me a big hug.

With that excitement she led me out and back to the waiting room to wait for my ultrasound. I walked in and whooped and exclaimed out loud that my tumors had shrunk. Two people said congratulations while the others just ignored me. I thought if I were back in Texas we would all be dancing the Cotton Eyed Joe or something.

When she came back in she said the doctor didn’t need the ultrasound so I can get dressed. I went back with John and we waited for my doctor’s appointment. I was all smiles.

When the doctor came in she was excited for me that the tumors had shrunken and did her examination. She had a tough time finding the tumor which made us both smile. I love Dr. Samiian. The test results from my MUGA scan showed a decrease in heart function. She said that the normal function level is around 60 and my original function level was 75. My heart was pumping well. Now my level is 60 which is normal but since there has been a decrease she wanted to consult with a cardiologist plus my heart rate was up and I had become a little anemic. 

Well at least the chemo is over and I had 6 more Herceptin treatments left.

The best news is that surgery will be March 20^th!

She said at least my dolphin tattoo will be saved with the reduction.

I am so blessed!

I am grateful for all the help that I have been given at the University of Florida Healthcare system and Shands. In just 31 days I will get rid of those aliens for good and have a new set of perky girls to encourage me to be active.

I will Survive

Today was to be my last chemo and I was so excited. I had completed the 6 treatments that lasted 6 to 7 hours and now I was done…. Well that was what I thought. Yvette my nurse / technician gave me news that made me sad but I know it is needed. I will be going in once a month starting March 3^rd to have a chemo treatment of the Herceptin. The 3 hour appointments are much better than spending the day and I don’t have to do the labs the week before and hopefully I will not need to return the next day for the white blood cell booster shot.

I can do this I have made it this far. My port will get flushed so I will not have to worry about it getting clogged and I will not be getting all of the harsh chemo drugs that I have been getting. Now I just need to work my way through this last batch, get back on my feet and take the next step in this fight.

I will Survive!