You got boobies!

Last night I went to the store for supplies for our New Years Eve bonfire tonight. Elizabeth drove Kikki and I in her Mini Cooper. I must admit it is interesting for a big girl to ride in the back seat of a Mini Cooper. I did not want to put Kikki with her pregnant butt in the back seat so I slid in and am still amazed at how comfortable it is to ride in the back seat of such a small car.
Once we arrived we were walking in and Kikki was commenting at how big her boobs had gotten. As she walked she had each breast cupped in her hands. I looked back to see this and couldn't help but laugh because that has been one of Kikki's favorite subjects as of late because she has always just had a hand full. Now her breast were sticking out of her top and were spilling out of her hands. We all laughed as I exclaimed "Oh my Gosh Kikki you've got boobies!"
We went into the store with her still cupping her breast. The two elderly greeters at Wal-Mart did not know what to say as a matter of fact they didn't even greet us. What a sight that must have been a young pregnant woman walking in holding her breast.
She continued on still talking about her boobies . I know she has told me that I had too much for one person but I have always been a big busted person from the time I was in sixth grade and it is not my fault. I told her I would gladly give her a cup or two. Elizabeth looked at the two of us and stated that we made her sick because we both had more than her and hers were the biggest they had ever been.
Thank goodness the subject changed after I placed my beer in my cart. As I looked down I thought it was quite funny that my cart contained beer, yogurt, pepper jack cheese, ham and chocolate covered espresso beans. I mentioned that it was funny how all I bought was alcohol, junk food and diet food.
Once we were through the line the conversation returned to Kikki and her boobs. She stated her man did not like them that big he said more than a hand full was too much. My reply was the same one I had given him around Thanksgiving time when he made that statement to me. "I'm sorry but that sounds like a little boys excuse for not being able to handle a mans job."
I added as a man once told me I'm boobielious. Kikki's reply "Mom your cute"
Sorry Kikki you missed it by a notch I'm damn adorable. (This never fails to get a laugh out of them)
Now I need to find her a shirt that says GOT BOOBIES?

Goodbye "07"

In a way I am glad to see an end to this year but then if I just go by the time that I have actually been in the mode I have been in for less than six months. Actually the first four months I did not even try then one day in May I woke up to realize that I was asleep in my own life. I realized I was no longer satisfied being the person I had become: a sad disillusioned woman in a dead relationship. This new year I will strive to meet all the goals I have set for myself no matter how hard I have to work beg and plead.
I am saving for that illusive divorce that will give me the freedom that I cherish.
I will move out of this nut house and into the big scary world all by my lonesome.
I will strive to get my manuscript accepted and published this is important because I have already started writing the squeal.
I will continue to better myself physically, mentally, emotionally and educationally.
I will better myself in my career taking it one step at a time until I am independent in my way of thinking and living.
The great thing is we will have another bonfire new years eve so tomorrow night I will be sitting by the fire with my Jameson Irish whiskey in one hand and my beer in the other puffing on the cigar that Elizabeth's boss sent me for Christmas. I hope it's a good one if not I have a couple Swisher Sweets to cleanse my pallet. I think I'll make me a pot of homemade chili to help keep me warm. I will try to forget that I am still in transition and welcome in the new year.
I want to wish you all a very safe and prosperous New Year.

How do you know your in love?

As I sit here and ponder what to write in my blog I am thinking what is one question I want answered. I am the type of person that likes to look things up and do research on different subjects just so I know the answer. Of all the possibilities of things to research there is one that I bet you will never find a definite answer to. How do you know your in love? Maybe I am just so inexperienced in this department I am destined to be in the special class for this subject. Hell I don't know, I think I was in love with my first. My whole life revolved around this guy and I sat at his feet. There was nothing I mean nothing I would not have done for this man. Was that love?
I remember looking into his eyes and growing week in the knees. I remember the kisses and how I wished they would never end. By the way did I mention I was nineteen at the time and he was seven years older so maybe this was not love maybe it was just being young.
After his death I gave up on love and until recently I had been fine with out it but for some reason now I want that special feeling in my life again.
There is love now but not the love that is shared between two lovers. I love my children, I love my mother, my sister, my brothers and I love my pets. What if the love we feel for our family is the only love that really exist and the love we feel for our significant other if we are lucky enough to have one is not love at all?
What is love, is it a feeling or a way of being?
Why do we make such a big deal of it?
Why does it hurt?
As I was driving home tonight I listened to a sad song on the radio by a group called Sugarland. The woman was singing about her lover and how he was always leaving her for his wife when she called. If was sad and soulful as she sang

why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
I'm begging you please
baby why don't you stay

Is that how you know your in love that you will beg the other person to stay?
I'm sorry I do not want anyone that I have to beg to stay with me. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me. There is such a thing as free will.

That's another thing why do people want to hold on to someone that doesn't want to be with them. You can't hold on to a heart that does not belong to you. I am in that situation now. I just want my freedom but he is holding on telling me he will never let me go. For god sake man you can't hold someone that doesn't want to be held. If he truly cared about me he would see that holding me only kills me a little each day. That's exactly why I am moving far far away. Okay I didn't want to get on that subject so back to how do you know your in love.

Then there is another song that I remember that says that she was leaving her man because she didn't want a love she could live with she wants a love she can't live without. Maybe she is not thinking so much about love but more about passion. There is another question does passion automatically come with love?

Damn the more I write the more confused I get.

All I know is I want that special person in my life that I can tell my secrets to and share my hopes and dreams. I want that person that I rush home to because I can't stand to be away longer than necessary. The person that I snuggle with on cold nights and laugh with when I tell him a funny joke. Shit I just described my dog.
It would be nice if he talked too and had a lot of interesting things to talk about.

Okay that's it I better quit while I'm ahead because now I'm really confused and wonder if I will ever be in love.