Learning more about Alien Occupation

With so much information available on breast cancer I have been trying to get a hold on what I need to know. I was surprised to learn that about 240,000 women are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. That is a huge number of families that are also affected. Breast cancer can run in families yet most cases of breast cancer happen by chance. Now if I had to come by something by chance I would have rather won the lottery.

At least the odds of survival are high and 90% of women who have breast cancer will be alive 5 years after diagnosis, 81% after 10 years and 73% after 15 years according to the American Cancer Society.

Well if I am going to have a whole front end alignment I want to have more than 15 years to enjoy the makeover and new breast. When I was younger I worked hard to train the girls to sit up and beg but after having my first child all they wanted to do were lay down then as I got older they got really good ta playing dead. My shoulders have deep groves from the bra straps trying to hold up the weight of the lazy girls.

Like I have said before my biggest concern is that pesky lymph node. It has been found that cancer spreads through the lymph system. Right now we know that one of my lymph nodes; as a matter of fact my axillary lymph node has a tumor approximately 2.5 cm in size. Even with one or two lymph nodes involved the risk of spreading to other places is fairly low.

Metastases of breast cancer can include tumors developing in the other breast or in the same breast the first tumor developed. If it metastases through the lymph nodes it can first appear in the bones which about a quarter of all metastases first appear. One of the ladies I know was just told her mother now has cancer in the chest wall after 8 years of being cancer free. Statistics show that 20% show up in the lungs and 15 % show up in the liver and brain. Well at least I know my weak spots.

At least I will be seeing the surgeon in 7 days and I will not only have a time line but have a chance to ask questions about the diagnosis and treatment. Until then I am trying to stay positive and keep my sense of humor. There is a lot of fight in this ole girl and kicking the big C’s alien butt will be fun!

Each day

Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer I cannot honestly say I knew someone with breast cancer. Today it is so strange because I meet someone new with a victory story of a loved on that lost someone to breast cancer every time i turn around. I am amazed at how many strong women that I have met and I am yet to make it to the surgeon or treatment. These are women in line at the grocery store. Women that I strike up a conversation with or women that I meet or see during an average day. I really don't even need to leave the house because I have received numerous message from Facebook friends that are going through it, have survived it or have lost a loved one.
The stories are remarkable and full of encouragement. I have met people that were in all stages from newly diagnosed, in treatment or just being told that they are cancer free. Everyone of them encourage me to stay positive no matter how bad I feel. Some tell me their biggest encouragement came from watching children in treatment. I have heard more successful stories over those that have lost someone. I have met women without hair proudly sporting bald heads and those that you would never know what they are going through due to the camouflage that they use to cover up what the chemo has done to their hair, their body and their energy. I just hope that I am able to keep my spirit so that I can also be an encouragement for someone else.
Research has consumed my life and I have a notebook with questions for the doctor when I go for my appointment. Once I know exactly what I will be facing then I will be able to plot and plan my way to a health cancer free existence. There is one thing that breast cancer failed to check before it decided to invade my body and my life.... I am a fighter and I am to stubborn to go down without a fight.
I am woman...hear me roar!!!

Alien Invasion

Since I have an active imagination I have said that T1 and T2 are actually aliens that have invaded my body. My goal is to evict these invaders and get my life back. I have been reading and investigating about the types of cancer and treatment possibilities. I have watched videos about breast removal and reconstruction. There is so much information available it is amazing. As it gets closer to the appointment with the surgeon I hope that we will have answers to the questions. I still feel the same except for the now sore spot under my arm where they did the biopsy of the lymph node and the now visible lump on my breast. It is a strange feeling not knowing exactly what will take place or having a timeline of the treatment. I guess it is the waiting and wondering and since the test results said that it is aggressive I can't help but wonder if T1 and T2 are plotting for world domination. I have less than 2 weeks before my appointment so staying positive and living my life are top priority.

On Hold

It is a bit strange just knowing and waiting for my first visit with the surgeon. There are times where I just feel numb not knowing what to feel. I don't feel any different except there is a swelling on the side of my left breast and my arm pit is still sore from the biopsy. I look in the mirror and I don't look any different. The only change is I now know that there is a cancerous alien living and growing in my body. I wonder how it began to develop and why. The hardest so far is the not knowing. I feel like my life is on hold.
I want to give kudos to those that have been through this process, went through treatment and conquered this menace. I have met several survivors and have such respect and awe when I see women sporting their bald head proudly. To me that is strength wearing the badge of their struggle so boldly.

Repost from December 2007

I was reading comments from my Facebook Post and a sweet friend Karen Cupples mentioned that John was my rock. That was an ah ha moment as I realized that John was the rock that held my string keeping me grounded yet allowing me to soar and be who I am. It is amazing how my life continues to return to those dreams...

The Balloon

I have always had the up most respect for Barbra Bush and I had secretly wished that she was my mother at one time. This past summer on July 2, 2007 I had this dream that I was at some type of charity function in Austin, Texas and I saw Barbra Bush standing there smiling. Somehow we began a conversation and I told her of my secret wish. As we were talking about life and children she mentioned her son George W. was going to be there and she would like to introduce me to him and Laura. I told her I would love to meet the two of them and how I saw her son as this big balloon like you see in parades all full of air and floating above us all as we looked up and awed at him floating above us but as you looked there was Laura holding his string keeping him from floating away or getting tangled in the power lines.

Then I told Barbra that I saw my self as a balloon not as big as George W. but a small yellow balloon. Then I told her the story as follows.

I see myself as this little yellow balloon. At one time I was inflated and floated carelessly through life. I was found by a man who grabbed on to my string. He held out his hand and said "Hey look at my balloon isn't she pretty" For awhile he kept me nicely inflated and held on to my string to keep me from flying away. Then in time he grew tired of others admiring him and his balloon then decided he wanted to be the one in the light. Slowly but surely be started to let out the air. Each day that went by he would shorten the string. Before long the balloon was completely deflated just hanging there on the string. The man felt a great power in doing this. But the balloon was lost unsure what to do. For years the balloon just hung there by the string blaming it self for what it had become. Maybe if it wasn't so happy then people would not have noticed and commented on the pretty balloon. Then the man would not have become jealous thus shortening the string and letting out all the air. Then one day the balloon just gave up. The once shinny material was now dull and covered in dust. Many years had passed and the balloon just wanted to rot away and disappear. One day the balloon caught a glimpse of another man holding onto a balloon proudly. The balloon was fully inflated so round so shiny and proud. The man holding the string loved his balloon and freely gave it string so it could soar. The more people that loved the balloon the prouder the man became and the more he loved the balloon. After seeing this the first balloon decided maybe there was hope for her. Without the man seeing she slowly began to fill with air, not enough to fly but just enough to be seen. He had been so used to her being deflated he had actually quit holding on to the string. Each day she began to gather a little air until she began to float just above the ground. She had hopes that someday she could be as pretty as the balloon she had seen floating happily along. The balloon felt that by lifting her own self up that maybe someday she too could soar. She waits patiently for the day when she has enough air to float away from the man that took away her air and shortened her string. She hoped someday to float by someone that would appreciate holding her string and feeding her air so that she could float. She hoped for someone that knew to feed her more string when she needed it but there to hold on so she didn't float away.
I'm still that balloon and I'm simply floating above the ground just waiting for that chance to float away. There is no one to hold my string so I must be careful not to become too inflated but I do need someone to feed me air so that I may float. I won't be the same shinny balloon that I was years ago but I can still float. Instead of a man holding my string my three precious Boston Terriers Mickey, Domino and Mater will be there to pull me down every once in awhile to keep me from getting tangled in the trees and power lines or just soaring away. Until then I simply float waiting for the chance to be blown out the door thus setting me free.

I don't know why I had this dream but I can say something happened this past summer to awaken the creative side of me that had been dormant for years. I started writing and creating things that were fueled by my dreams.
I just want to say I am grateful for my creativity and I am grateful for the great future that I have. I will remember to remember as time goes on and I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned in this lifetime. I am also grateful that I am able to float above the ground and with positive thought I will soar.

The big challenge

In March 2014 I decided to pack up my little KIA Soul then load up the Boston Crew and head off to Florida to join John and become his wife. I had been married for 27 years to a man that did not know how to be nice and all of my kids were now grown and had lives of their own. John had been in my life since 2008 and to tell the truth I was pretty much stuck on him. We were married in a beautiful Park in Jacksonville Florida on a cool spring day in March with our four Boston Terriers at our sides. Our lives were what we thought perfect and we were ready to start our lives together. A few days later as i was scratching I found something hard in my left breast. "crap" was all I could say and I asked John to confirm my find. Since I was still a full time student I was still looking for work which meant no insurance. I learned of the University of Florida Health care program and called for an appointment. Getting approved for their City Plan took a few months so my first doctor visit was in mid June. The Physician's assistant that examined me ordered a mammogram, Ultrasound and a biopsy. The mammogram did not take place until mid August. The biopsy was mid September. Here I am now on September 22 waiting for my first appointment with the breast surgeon on October 7th. From the time that I found the lump it has been 7 months.
After the mammogram and ultrasound I was advised that there was a highly suspicious tumor in my breast as well as one on my axillary lymph node. The biopsy results state that the breast tumor is a poorly differentiated infiltrating ductal cell carcinoma that rates on the Nottingham Histologic grade 3. This is all Greek to me so I will spend the next couple of days researching what this means. I have began to write down questions for the doctor. This stupid cancer will not hold me down and it is in for a fight!