Who's to Blame?

Since there has not been breast cancer in my family I contemplated how I ended up with two tumors. My mother was a huge influence on me as it usually happens. It is believed that the one parent that you spent the most time with influences your behaviors; you can thank my mother for my East Texas crazy.

I remember my mother lecturing us as we wanted silky panties and bras as teens and young adults. Not only was she the one that approved our clothing but it was her that purchased it so we had to follow her advice. She lectured that you should wear cotton panties and bras. “I have always wore cotton bras and panties and I have never had female problems” was her lecture.

Could this be proven? Should we do a scientific survey to see how many women only wear cotton and of those how many have had female problems? Maybe cancer is genetic because we follow our ancestors in behaviors?  Frankly I believe that we all have cancer cells in our bodies as a part of our makeup and certain cells begin their abnormal growth due to factors such as life style and environment.  My mother went through menopause with no issues other than just being mean at times but again that could just have been her personality.  I had all sorts of issues with hot flashes but of course I wore silky panties and polyester blend bras until I had my first child then I began wearing cotton blend. I often wondered if my mother realized that her cotton bras were not all cotton. As a matter of fact only the cups were cotton and the elastic was of a totally different material.

I wonder if I can hold Fruit of the Loom, Hanes and Playtex responsible for my medical condition?

It's in the Bag

Today I decided that I needed some Cindy time and took a trip to Walmart all by my lonesome. John was worried about my intestinal issues but I assured him I would be able to go to Walmart and back without any explosions. I pulled out my overalls and my long sleeve shirt then put on my shoes and my pretty pink breast cancer awareness cap and scooted out the door.

I love Walmart during the week just after 10 am. There are people shopping but the store is fairly quiet and not crowded. I pulled out my list of things to look at and things we needed solutions for. I had not been in the store a good 10 minutes when a nice lady walked up to me and smiled then added “ Stay strong honey, I remember you in my prayers” I thanked her and we both went our own way.

Isle by isle I was enjoying myself, taking my time and bopping to the piped in music. I found the few things on my list then ended up in the fabric area at the cheap fabric wall. Since the panels for the living room was too expensive considering I would need more than 3 panels I was excited to find a scalloped edged lace for $2.50 per yard. Solution to the problem at hand; for the price of one panel I was able to panel two windows and cover a third small window with a lace curtain and valance.

I also found some wonderful fabric that would make great drapes for our bedroom for $1.50 a yard. Problem with that is once we measured it I was only enough for one window and I didn’t want to take a chance of not being able to find more at another store. As I was searching the shelf to see if by chance there was another bolt somewhere I found the same material in green so I bought 2 yards for a kitchen tablecloth. $3 is a bargain for a nice mid-weight tablecloth.

When I saw the material with the aprons on it then saw it was not one of the clearance fabric bolts I sighed. Of course there was no associate in sight so I simply called the store and asked the operator to call someone for me. Another customer walked up to me with questions about the chemo and what the side effects are.  Once I explained that I had 6 different drugs infused and they all had different side effects. I covered a few like possible heart problems, swelling, and weight gain I also explained the nausea, intestinal problems and hair loss. She was glad to know that not all chemo meds caused hair loss because one of her friends at church was to start chemo soon.

Since the associate had not arrived after that lengthy conversation I called the operator once again. She apologized and I explained that I worked at Walmart in the past I understand.  As soon as she announced the need for help on the PA a young man walked up to help. Actually he was a member of management and he happily cut my fabric. By the time he finished my order he had three other women waiting. There was a nice lady from Texas there and of course he had to brag about Texas and how we wished Jacksonville would learn to be a little like Texas.

By that time John had called worried that I was sick and sitting somewhere. I explained that I had just taken a page from his book and had been talking to all sorts of people. I rushed to get the few food stuffs we needed and went to the produce department to get me some apples and Halos. A young woman walked up to me all excited and told me to fight the good fight and chattered away. My chemo brain could not keep up with her so I smiled and nodded.

After two more conversations at the checkout I made it home in one piece, worn to a frazzle. I am amazed at how many people approached me to encourage me and offer prayers. With all of the prayers that I receive and all of the good wishes and love that come from all of you I have this cancer thing in the bag.

Thank you and I love you all!

It's not over until the fat lady sings!

After a quick appointment with the Oncologist I left happy but a little perturbed. My last Chemo treatment on February 10^th will not be my last for good. After surgery and possibly during proton radiation treatment I will have to go to the infusion center once a month for Herceptin infusions for a year.  The doctor ordered a scan and was pleased that she could not find the tumors. Well I still have  a great treatment plan and wonderful doctors.

Herceptin is the drug that targets HER2 gene tumors.

Herceptin is approved for the treatment of early-stage breast cancer that is Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2-positive (HER2+) and has spread into the lymph nodes. (http://www.herceptin.com/)

Well at least instead of 6 to 7 hours in the chemo chair I will be there 1 ½ to 2 hours at the most. The problem is Herceptin is the drug that gives me the intestinal problems along with dizziness and nausea.  I guess I will just get used to these issues but I want to be productive and with the intestinal problems I am stuck near the bathroom for at least a week . 

There has been one plus to all of these drugs. I have lost over 40 lbs since this all began in April and the diagnosis in September. I am not complaining and so far the doctor has not chided me like she said she would if I lost too much weight. I weighed in today and was worried when the nurse told me my weight. I have plenty to spare so that may be why the doctor did not say a word.

I guess it is not over until the fat lady sings and the way things are going I won't be the singing fat lady that puts an end to it....woopie!!

Killer Chemo and being Stubborn

I started this blog with the hope of educating people about breast cancer treatment while sharing my story. I had great expectations until Chemotherapy taught me a lesson. It is great to stay positive but it can be very aggravating to not be able to do the things that you are used to doing because you are week, tired or just feel poopy. Add a major move into the equation and it can take every ounce of your reserve to not throw a temper tantrum. Well at least that is my view at this time.

I have always felt the need to be productive no matter my place in life. I have had supervisors tell me to slow down because coworkers feel I am trying to make them look bad so I can take their position. That is never my intention I just see something that needs to be done and do it.

John and I bit off a huge chunk when we moved into this cabin. Maybe we should have waited another month but we were both anxious to get started on it. We love it here even though with everything John finally gets working or fixed something else breaks or pops up that needs attention immediately.  I get so aggravated that I am unable to do the things I used to do with no problem. I have re plumbed a mobile home more than once and worked in construction in the past but now it takes every ounce of my being to look through a box and decide where the stuff belongs.

I had chemo last Tuesday which was 5 days ago and I am still weak and have problems with my equilibrium. This old house is very cold so I get cranky when I am cold. The fireplace had to be covered up due to serious problems with the flue so we get our warmth from space heaters. No matter how warm I dress the cold seems to seep into my bones. John has to keep reminding me that I only have one more chemo infusion left but I just get mad because I know I have to go through the staying in bed all day thing for another 5 days straight in February.

Maybe I feel bad that John is doing all the work and I am sleeping away the days and nights. One thing I am grateful for is the anti-nausea drugs finally started to work and I do not get as sick as I did the first few times.  When I take the meds my eyesight is just a fog so forget reading, watching television or getting on the computer.  I know the drugs are strong to kill the cancer cells but the fact that they are also strong enough to kill you is advised in the first few doctor appointments. I guess they figure if you are strong enough to make it through 3 infusion appointments you are good to go the rest of the way.

Maybe I am just venting because I am aggravated with myself and the lack of energy I am feeling and I am worried John is over working himself.  I had a wise woman tell me once that “sometimes you have a right to be a Bitch because at the end of the day that is all you have to work with”

I believe that I just need to take my own advice and change the channel. Stop feeling like I am a victim of chemo therapy and find that bright positive spot and hang on for dear life. Cancer has no chance with all of the new technology, medicines and treatment plans and no matter how rare or bad my cancer is I am beating it and my life will go on. I just need to get through this rough patch and get back on my feet.

Okay I have vented and gave myself a positive intervention , now let’s see if I can get past that stubborn woman that John loves and gets so aggravated with because she doesn’t listen…lol

Smoke em if you got em

Exhaustion played a big role in my recovery during this round of chemotherapy. I went into the infusion exhausted and it seemed that the exhaustion was multiplied afterward. I have figured out that I will not have nausea as bad if I begin the anti-nausea medicine just after chemo and continue to do so every 6 hours for the next 4 to 5 days. My biggest problem is eating. Nothing taste good and I have to actually force myself to eat and wash it down with water or Sprite.

The big move was done just after the chemo treatment on my good day so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the after effect and the move. Of course I didn’t help with the move I just drove the car to pick up the truck then drove the fur babies from one house to the other. It was exhausting just watching the men.

I noticed the cooler weather affected me in a way that I have never experienced before.  Usually cold doesn’t bother me, I just put on more layers and adjust. Now the cold seems to sap my energy and I have a harder time getting warm. No matter how much I wrapped up in the covers and how many warm bodies I had in the covers with me I could not warm up. My muscles and joints ache due to the cold and I am afraid I will catch a cold. With lowered immunities a simple cold can get worse easily. Another new issue that seemed to arise during this round is I have a number of raised sore bumps like pimples or abscesses.  I leave them alone and let them work their course. There was one in the center of my head which I found puzzling. 

During all of this I remain positive and know that no matter how bad I feel or how aggravating the symptoms become I am winning the fight. Those aliens can fight back all they want this is my body and I am going to win. With so many people praying for me and sending me positive vibes I can’t help but be positive. I do admit that I was getting upset with myself during day four when I was feeling so weak and tired that it was hard to hold my head up. I remember my mother telling me that her head felt so heavy she couldn’t hold it up. I understand what she was trying to say. I was so weak it took all I had to get up and go to the bathroom. When I get this weak I wish there was something I could drink or take that would make me just want to eat. This is the time marijuana may come in handy. When you have the munchies you eat just to eat and you really can’t taste a thing. By eating my body will have something to give me energy, the problem is I don’t smoke and marijuana is illegal in Florida. 

John keeps commenting on how much weight I have lost but according to the scale it is only 20 or so pounds. My clothes are falling off me and I have added 3 new holes to my belt and could probably add another. Of course I will not complain about weight loss I have a fat storage a bear would be jealous of. Maybe the alien is eating the fat thinking I will be pissed off. Take those reserves you aliens see if I care.