Killer Chemo and being Stubborn

I started this blog with the hope of educating people about breast cancer treatment while sharing my story. I had great expectations until Chemotherapy taught me a lesson. It is great to stay positive but it can be very aggravating to not be able to do the things that you are used to doing because you are week, tired or just feel poopy. Add a major move into the equation and it can take every ounce of your reserve to not throw a temper tantrum. Well at least that is my view at this time.

I have always felt the need to be productive no matter my place in life. I have had supervisors tell me to slow down because coworkers feel I am trying to make them look bad so I can take their position. That is never my intention I just see something that needs to be done and do it.

John and I bit off a huge chunk when we moved into this cabin. Maybe we should have waited another month but we were both anxious to get started on it. We love it here even though with everything John finally gets working or fixed something else breaks or pops up that needs attention immediately.  I get so aggravated that I am unable to do the things I used to do with no problem. I have re plumbed a mobile home more than once and worked in construction in the past but now it takes every ounce of my being to look through a box and decide where the stuff belongs.

I had chemo last Tuesday which was 5 days ago and I am still weak and have problems with my equilibrium. This old house is very cold so I get cranky when I am cold. The fireplace had to be covered up due to serious problems with the flue so we get our warmth from space heaters. No matter how warm I dress the cold seems to seep into my bones. John has to keep reminding me that I only have one more chemo infusion left but I just get mad because I know I have to go through the staying in bed all day thing for another 5 days straight in February.

Maybe I feel bad that John is doing all the work and I am sleeping away the days and nights. One thing I am grateful for is the anti-nausea drugs finally started to work and I do not get as sick as I did the first few times.  When I take the meds my eyesight is just a fog so forget reading, watching television or getting on the computer.  I know the drugs are strong to kill the cancer cells but the fact that they are also strong enough to kill you is advised in the first few doctor appointments. I guess they figure if you are strong enough to make it through 3 infusion appointments you are good to go the rest of the way.

Maybe I am just venting because I am aggravated with myself and the lack of energy I am feeling and I am worried John is over working himself.  I had a wise woman tell me once that “sometimes you have a right to be a Bitch because at the end of the day that is all you have to work with”

I believe that I just need to take my own advice and change the channel. Stop feeling like I am a victim of chemo therapy and find that bright positive spot and hang on for dear life. Cancer has no chance with all of the new technology, medicines and treatment plans and no matter how rare or bad my cancer is I am beating it and my life will go on. I just need to get through this rough patch and get back on my feet.

Okay I have vented and gave myself a positive intervention , now let’s see if I can get past that stubborn woman that John loves and gets so aggravated with because she doesn’t listen…lol