You got boobies!

Last night I went to the store for supplies for our New Years Eve bonfire tonight. Elizabeth drove Kikki and I in her Mini Cooper. I must admit it is interesting for a big girl to ride in the back seat of a Mini Cooper. I did not want to put Kikki with her pregnant butt in the back seat so I slid in and am still amazed at how comfortable it is to ride in the back seat of such a small car.
Once we arrived we were walking in and Kikki was commenting at how big her boobs had gotten. As she walked she had each breast cupped in her hands. I looked back to see this and couldn't help but laugh because that has been one of Kikki's favorite subjects as of late because she has always just had a hand full. Now her breast were sticking out of her top and were spilling out of her hands. We all laughed as I exclaimed "Oh my Gosh Kikki you've got boobies!"
We went into the store with her still cupping her breast. The two elderly greeters at Wal-Mart did not know what to say as a matter of fact they didn't even greet us. What a sight that must have been a young pregnant woman walking in holding her breast.
She continued on still talking about her boobies . I know she has told me that I had too much for one person but I have always been a big busted person from the time I was in sixth grade and it is not my fault. I told her I would gladly give her a cup or two. Elizabeth looked at the two of us and stated that we made her sick because we both had more than her and hers were the biggest they had ever been.
Thank goodness the subject changed after I placed my beer in my cart. As I looked down I thought it was quite funny that my cart contained beer, yogurt, pepper jack cheese, ham and chocolate covered espresso beans. I mentioned that it was funny how all I bought was alcohol, junk food and diet food.
Once we were through the line the conversation returned to Kikki and her boobs. She stated her man did not like them that big he said more than a hand full was too much. My reply was the same one I had given him around Thanksgiving time when he made that statement to me. "I'm sorry but that sounds like a little boys excuse for not being able to handle a mans job."
I added as a man once told me I'm boobielious. Kikki's reply "Mom your cute"
Sorry Kikki you missed it by a notch I'm damn adorable. (This never fails to get a laugh out of them)
Now I need to find her a shirt that says GOT BOOBIES?

Goodbye "07"

In a way I am glad to see an end to this year but then if I just go by the time that I have actually been in the mode I have been in for less than six months. Actually the first four months I did not even try then one day in May I woke up to realize that I was asleep in my own life. I realized I was no longer satisfied being the person I had become: a sad disillusioned woman in a dead relationship. This new year I will strive to meet all the goals I have set for myself no matter how hard I have to work beg and plead.
I am saving for that illusive divorce that will give me the freedom that I cherish.
I will move out of this nut house and into the big scary world all by my lonesome.
I will strive to get my manuscript accepted and published this is important because I have already started writing the squeal.
I will continue to better myself physically, mentally, emotionally and educationally.
I will better myself in my career taking it one step at a time until I am independent in my way of thinking and living.
The great thing is we will have another bonfire new years eve so tomorrow night I will be sitting by the fire with my Jameson Irish whiskey in one hand and my beer in the other puffing on the cigar that Elizabeth's boss sent me for Christmas. I hope it's a good one if not I have a couple Swisher Sweets to cleanse my pallet. I think I'll make me a pot of homemade chili to help keep me warm. I will try to forget that I am still in transition and welcome in the new year.
I want to wish you all a very safe and prosperous New Year.

How do you know your in love?

As I sit here and ponder what to write in my blog I am thinking what is one question I want answered. I am the type of person that likes to look things up and do research on different subjects just so I know the answer. Of all the possibilities of things to research there is one that I bet you will never find a definite answer to. How do you know your in love? Maybe I am just so inexperienced in this department I am destined to be in the special class for this subject. Hell I don't know, I think I was in love with my first. My whole life revolved around this guy and I sat at his feet. There was nothing I mean nothing I would not have done for this man. Was that love?
I remember looking into his eyes and growing week in the knees. I remember the kisses and how I wished they would never end. By the way did I mention I was nineteen at the time and he was seven years older so maybe this was not love maybe it was just being young.
After his death I gave up on love and until recently I had been fine with out it but for some reason now I want that special feeling in my life again.
There is love now but not the love that is shared between two lovers. I love my children, I love my mother, my sister, my brothers and I love my pets. What if the love we feel for our family is the only love that really exist and the love we feel for our significant other if we are lucky enough to have one is not love at all?
What is love, is it a feeling or a way of being?
Why do we make such a big deal of it?
Why does it hurt?
As I was driving home tonight I listened to a sad song on the radio by a group called Sugarland. The woman was singing about her lover and how he was always leaving her for his wife when she called. If was sad and soulful as she sang

why don't you stay
I'm down on my knees
I'm so tired of being lonely
I'm begging you please
baby why don't you stay

Is that how you know your in love that you will beg the other person to stay?
I'm sorry I do not want anyone that I have to beg to stay with me. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me. There is such a thing as free will.

That's another thing why do people want to hold on to someone that doesn't want to be with them. You can't hold on to a heart that does not belong to you. I am in that situation now. I just want my freedom but he is holding on telling me he will never let me go. For god sake man you can't hold someone that doesn't want to be held. If he truly cared about me he would see that holding me only kills me a little each day. That's exactly why I am moving far far away. Okay I didn't want to get on that subject so back to how do you know your in love.

Then there is another song that I remember that says that she was leaving her man because she didn't want a love she could live with she wants a love she can't live without. Maybe she is not thinking so much about love but more about passion. There is another question does passion automatically come with love?

Damn the more I write the more confused I get.

All I know is I want that special person in my life that I can tell my secrets to and share my hopes and dreams. I want that person that I rush home to because I can't stand to be away longer than necessary. The person that I snuggle with on cold nights and laugh with when I tell him a funny joke. Shit I just described my dog.
It would be nice if he talked too and had a lot of interesting things to talk about.

Okay that's it I better quit while I'm ahead because now I'm really confused and wonder if I will ever be in love.

I must apologize

If I have done anything or said anything to you in the past that has brought you pain I apologize.

If you have felt slighted by my actions I apologize.

If my words have cut through your heart and given you grief I apologize.

If I have treated you in a way that is disrespectful I apologize.

I just want you to know that I have never intended to hurt you in any way. Please accept my apology and lets move on with our lives whether it be together or apart. I believe in karma and the golden rule so I want to make sure my slate is clean and I have apologized for any slight I have inadvertently caused by my words or actions. I truly love and respect everyone that I meet. I love our earth and feel that the creator is omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient.
I want the rest of my life to mean something to me and those that I love. I want to be a shinning example of how all people should be. I will not hate, I will not hurt and I will not harm anyone or anything.

I love life and know my future is as bright as the stars. I believe in free will so I will not try to force my wishes or beliefs on anyone.

All I ask in return is a chance to fulfill my destiny and a chance to love openly and freely without having to worry about what others think. I am love and I am loved so I want to share love.

I have found the happiness that lives within me and now want to find the happiness that lives in the world without.

I promise to be supportive to all that touch my life and to be understanding of their nature. I accept everyone for the unique person that they are and I will not try to change them for they are perfect just the way they are just as I am perfect.

I am perfection in human form.

I will use my words to uplift and encourage.

I will use my arms to hold those I love

I will use my hands to do good works

I will use my heart to share love.

I will use my voice to share my philosophy only when asked.

Please join me in asking for forgiveness from your fellow man and lets begin the new year early by turning over a new leaf and sharing love and forgiveness with the universe. Help us to have a better world in which to live.

That which you put out returns to you.

I love you
Cindy

A beautifaul woman

The other day a beautiful woman came through my line and I was taken by her grace and beauty. Her silver hair was beautiful and the pretty red sweater she wore gave her the look of an angel. I told her how beautiful she looked and she smiled and thanked me. As I scanned her toiletries and small bottles of lotions that she was buying for stocking stuffers we chatted a bit. I enjoy talking to seniors because they are the seeds of the past and without them we would be lost. When she paid for her purchase with a check I learned that not only was she a beautiful woman but she also had an unusually beautiful name. Dardanella, I had never heard that name before so I had to inquire about it. Her mother named her after a blues album The Dardanella Blues and she admitted to only hearing that name one other time in her lifetime. I was so taken by this wonderful woman I told her that I was a writer and would be honored if she would allow me to use her name for the heroine in one of my next projects. She laughed and said as long as you make me interesting. I smiled as I watched her walk away with the aid of her cute little red walker. I never tire of meeting new people and I enjoy the small amount of time I get to talk away with them. Thank you Dardanella for coming through and enlightening me with conversation.

Tonight is Christmas Eve so we plan on having a bonfire. I'm looking forward to this because there is nothing as warm and cozy as sitting in front of a fire in the outdoors. I'll be sitting there after work with my Irish whiskey in one hand and my beer in the other. Wooo Whoo I'll be feeling warm and fuzzy tonight.
Merry Christmas to everyone and tell the elves free massages after midnight.

work work work

With Christmas just around the bend I have been putting in the hours at Wal-Mart. I am amazed at how so many people wait until the last minute to do their shopping. I of course am in such a great mood all the time I have been able to cheer all the frazzled nerves that come through. When some one says this is it I'm done I make sure I say Wooo Whoo for them and that usually cracks them up.
Yesterday I had a great surprise from a very sweet customer. I usually have my share of nice people that come through and say nice things to me but the nice gentleman that came through yesterday blew me away. He started off by commenting on my name saying you don't see Cindy Lou anymore. I replied yep I guess I am one of the remaining few if not the last. I expected a crack about The Grinch that Stole Christmas but he said I like that name Cindy Lou it's reminiscent of the Buddy Holly era. I was surprised and said wow most people don't know about Peggy Sue actually being written for a Cindy Lou. He replied well now I'm showing my age. I laughed and said we both are. The as he stood there and gave me a long look he began to sing to me. He sang Peggy Sue using Cindy Lou as it was originally written. I was so taken by this gesture I was unsure of what I should do so I just stood there and smiled at the sweet man. One of the other cashiers was commenting wow your being serenaded. He said I guess I just made a fool of myself . My reply oh no I enjoyed that thoroughly you have such a great singing voice. Thank you so much you just gave me the nicest gift anyone has ever given me. He left with a sweet smile plastered on his face and I grinned through the rest of the day. I don't care how many people come through my line I will never forget that sweet gesture from that sweet man.

Mater my shinning star

Since I spent my day off yesterday just spoiling my BT Trio nothing much else was accomplished here on the home front. I had planned on making a cake the same one I have planned on making since Thanksgiving but the ingredients are still assembled in the refrigerator and no Sock it to me cake to be seen. I have had a craving for a slice of the cake but not strong enough to get me in the kitchen to mix it and bake it. That seems to be weird because I am such a baker especially during the holiday season. The neighbors have come to expect my homemade cinnamon rolls each year about this time and my kids are used to finding all sorts of bake goods and praline candies freshly made. Maybe it is the fact that I am working and I have made drastic changes in my life.
As I sat there playing with my new addition Mater and his brother Noodle I remembered Domino when he was that age and my wish to train him to be a companion animal so I could take him to Nursing Homes and Hospitals to spread his love. That was when I realized that I had never really acted upon that desire. Mater is a cute little guy with green eyes which is a rarity in the Boston Terrier breed. My goal for him is to research what training is needed for this little 10 week old puppy to get him his credentials so that he can be the shinning star that lifts the spirit of the sick, disabled and the forgotten. If you have any information that may be helpful in my goal for this little guy please let me know.

Missed Photo ops

Driving to work yesterday I was ready to kick my self for not carrying my camera with me. There was a frost on the ground and I passed up such beautiful pictures as I drove. The first scene was the Hildebrant hay field just up the street. It was covered with the white frost and it looked beautiful. Then as I headed down Gosling and crossed Willow Creek I was hit with another great picture of both banks covered with frost and a couple of deer standing there watching traffic as it went by. The sight that caught my breath the most was the new Brick wall marking the entrance to the Woodlands at Creek side Village just before you cross over into Montgomery County at Spring Creek. The statues of the deer bounding through the high grass was breath taking with the frost covering the high grass. I mumbled to myself at my disappointment in missing such great pictures to ad to my portfolio. The last sight I saw that would have been a great picture was just before I crossed over Lake Woodlands there at the edge of the Golf Course there was a gathering of about fifteen buzzards. I would have called that The Gathering. I need to start taking my camera with me so I can catch theses pictures when I can.

Since this was my day off I took out my camera equipment only to realize that my batteries were dead in my Canon EOS Digital. Then when I came into the living room to turn on the computer I looked over at my Canon Powershot. All I could think was what a waste I have such great camera equipment and I don't take the time to use it. Tomorrow I will get up early and hopefully I will be able to drive around and find the shots I'm looking for. I enjoy my writing but I need to get back out into the outdoors that I love and start snapping those shots that will help me build my portfolio. I have also made a decision that will make Elizabeth my daughter-in-law happy. I keep saying I am moving far away this summer but if my plans fail and I am here in the fall I am returning to college to take a few classes hopefully toward my degree in Graphic Arts if not the old Journalism one I was working on before.

I still have a strong feeling that I will be gone from here by the summer but it is nice to have a back up plan. I just find it sad that in order for me to have the peace in my life that I want I have to move far away from Tommy to get it. Then all I need is a place to live that I can afford and a job that pays enough to support my BT trio and myself. That is not too much to ask for. I just want to put hundreds of miles between us so he can't bother me any longer just as long as I stay in Texas that's all that really matters. I know my kids are mad at me for wanting to move far away but they are all adults and they do have their own lives. Once they see that we can still be close no matter how great the distance they will be okay.

It is my turn to live my life for me and no Tommy it's never too late. I may be 48 years old but I have a heart that still beating and lungs that still breathe so as long as I'm upright and motivated I have plenty of time to live my life. The great thing is I have a lot to offer this world so get outta my way man and let me go. I have a lot to make up for.

Not sure how to take it.

I had an interesting conversation with a nice gentleman today as I worked. I should have known it was going to be a memorable conversation from the get go. It went like this.
Customer starts unloading his cart.
Are you open?

Yes sir just waiting for you.

Great don't go over five dollars.

Scanned first item 4.98...."OOps I'm sorry I just went over $5.

Oh oh now you did it your in trouble just wait until I get up there.

Laughing and shaking my head. (Thinking this guy is a hoot)

He approaches the register.

"How are you today?" I ask as I do with nearly everyone that comes through my line.

"I great how about you?"

"Oh I'm wonderful"

"Yes I know that I believe I read that somewhere."

"Okay that's good to know so where did you read it?"

"I believe it was on the men's room wall somewhere in Paris. Hum I think it was the Eiffel Tower."

"Wow that's a good one I've never been out of Texas."

"You know good news travels the fastest and you are wonderful"

"Wow I'm famous"

"Yes and your fabulous. Now what am I going to do about you going over $5?"

"Heck if I know, maybe Wal-Mart should give me commission."

"Cindy Lou wow did you know you're my second favorite red head?"

"No I didn't even know I was a red head."

"Cindy Lou"

"Man I love this Wal-Mart and the friendly customers that come through here. Did you know that it's people like you that make this job so great?"

"Thank you Cindy and you have a wonderful day and Merry Christmas."

"Oh I will have a great day I always do and Merry Christmas to you."

The nice man left leaving me with a great smile actually I already had the smile it was just a little bigger. The next lady in line smiled and said keep up that attitude it will take you a long way in life your a joy to be around.
What can I say I love the store I work in and the nice people that come through.

Memory of a love that isn't there

This is an exert from one of my dreams that I had written in my little notebook. I can't post all of it because it gets really racy after this. hehehe

Memory of a Love that isn't There

I remember the embrace at first tender and innocent. The feel of his body against mine was sweet and divine. I remember the scent that was just him as I inhaled deeply in reaction to his closeness. I could feel my heartbeat quicken to the excitement of his gentle hands slowly rubbing my back as he held me in his arms. I pressed closer to his warm body trying to feel each part as he held me in that embrace. Then I remember the warmth that started at my center the slowly radiated outward throughout my body taking control. I remember cherishing the feel of my nerve endings awaking to his touch as my breathing quickened. Then as his arms slowly relaxed and we moved apart slightly I remember wishing for him to pull me in again so I could feel him against me. Then he just looked at me. At first he gazed at my hair then my face as if he were taking in every part of me. He gazed into my eyes pulling me into the depths of his dark brown eyes. I dared not to move or break the gaze thus ending this moment that seemed to be pulling my mind and soul into his. He gazed at my nose then focused on my mouth. I watched his face as he took in each feature of my face. I in turn took in each of his. His eyes so dark and warm set into his handsome face searching for something in me but I wasn't sure what. His nose so straight and that mustache that sat just above his upper lip trimmed to perfection so sweet sitting there moving slowly as his upper lip slid slowly over his bottom lip capturing that little bit of hair that grew just below. The slow mesmerizing way he slid his upper lip over that bottom lip caused a quiver of excitement to roll through my body. Then he gazed into my eyes again watching me observe the little habit of capturing the bottom lip. A slow easy smile broke out across those lips and my heart skipped a beat. As if unspoken words of my pleading were heard he slowly lowered his mouth onto mine. The tenderness of his lips on mine sliding across took my breath parting my lips. Then his warm soft lips tenderly took first my top lip and then the bottom. His tongue slowly covered each lip teasing as it tasted my mouth then slowly worked its way inside. His mouth pressed against mine his tongue touching and caressing each inch of my mouth was so intoxicating. My pulse quickened and little orgasmic spasms started at my core and radiated out. His kiss deepened and I could feel him pull me closer as he probed my mouth. I reveled in his taste and the ecstasy his mouth and tongue were giving me. Finally I returned his kiss with softness then passion tasting him enjoying the feel of his tongue against mine. I had to control myself though because I wanted to quicken the pace to keep up with my racing heart. I didn't want him to stop. The tenderness turned into a deeper more demanding kiss that made my mind spin and my knees weaken. This man was devouring my mouth and I was eager for him to keep me close and continue sending these spasms throughout my body. Then he slid his mouth off mine and tasted my chin slowly dragging his mouth across my jaw line and on to my neck just below my ears. Immediately a quiver rushed throughout my body and a sigh escaped my mouth from somewhere deep down inside me. He kissed, nibbled and licked a small line down the tenderness of my neck. The ecstasy was more than I could handle. The sensation he was creating was about to drive me over the edge. I whispered his name as the sensation his mouth was creating sent me over the edge. I wanted more I wanted him to keep doing what he was doing because my body ached to feel his hands and mouth. He slowly pulled away looking into my face again. His lips swollen from the kiss looked so inviting. I wanted to taste them again and feel the sensation they caused. His dark eyes seemed even darker yet there was a sparkle that wasn't there before. Was that sparkle desire? I could only hope. Then he broke our gaze slowly looking around us and our surroundings. I watched mesmerized as his top lip captured that bottom lip again this time his teeth raked through that little tuft of hair sending more spasms through my body. He looked back at me then whispered “Let’s get out of here.” Excitement ran throughout my body giving my tingling limbs momentum to move forward as he led me inside away from the crowd of people.

Is Horny Goat a vitamin or mineral?

Today I was off so my son Justin and I had a mother and son outing. He wanted to get a Sam's card so we headed over to Portifino which is a shopping center in the Woodlands that has a Sam's Club. As I pulled into the parking lot he suggested we stop off at the Vitamin Store so he could get some information on B-12 because he lacked energy. I told him to get the subliminal stuff because the body absorbs it faster so it works better. Once we were inside the clerk told him the same thing I had and led us over to the area where the B-12 was. He was shocked at the price but I explained you pay more for the good stuff. Then I asked about the antioxidants so she led us over to that section. As I was looking at the various bottles and trying to figure out if I even wanted to purchase the stuff my son asked about red and green algae. Thinking that he could just go down and lick a rock at the creek I didn't say anything but turned around to see that he and the nice clerk were gone. That was when I noticed a row of bottles that was labeled Horny Goat. I started to laugh at the name on the bottle then noticed on the shelf below there was a bottle of Horny Toad. I'm sorry but I found that equally funny. Picking up a bottle of the Horny Toad I read the back to learn that it was something to help men in the sexual department. My son walked back over and saw me laughing then took the bottle away from me and placed it back on the shelf.
"Mom you don't need a man they are nothing but a distraction and you have been doing so well."
"I was just reading the bottle Justin I thought it was funny."
"Mom!"
Then my son pointed out a bottle labeled Sexcite.
"That's a good name for it."
"Come on Mom lets look at the algae."
"Just go down to the creek and lick a rock."
"No mom there was something I watched on that show Dirty Jobs about how they made the stuff and it is supposed to be good for you."
We walked over to the algae area and a nice lady I guess closer to my age asked him what he was looking for so he explained to her the process they went through to make the stuff. She asked him to find out what the name of the product was or the company and she could help him find the stuff he wanted. Then she asked me if I had found what I was looking for so we began to discuss antioxidants. The next thing I knew I had spent $35 on a bottle of antioxidants, fish oil and some kind of protein water. I was told since I had lost weight and walked around constantly pulling up my pants that I needed more protein in my system. My son replied just get a boyfriend I'm sure you will get some protein. I laughed and reminded him that he had just said men were a distraction I didn't need and I didn't want to buy a bottle of horny anything. I don't think the nice lady knew what he meant about getting protein from a boyfriend so she did not get the joke.
Later that night I rode along with he and his girl Sheena to go shopping. I was telling Sheena about the bottles of Horny Goat and Horny Toad. I wondered out loud what would you call a product like that for women something to put them in the mood. Just as I was about to mention slinky kitty or something when Justin blurts out Wet Walrus. We all laughed but I explained I don't think a walrus would make a man think about sex.

Religion my opinion Take it or Leave it

There are three things that I hate to discuss in public the first of which is religion followed closely by sex and politics. With this being a season of religious holidays it is so in your face at this time. Today as I bid the customers a good day as they left my line I wished them a joyous holiday season or Merry Christmas to the ones that wished me a Merry Christmas. With the P.C .driven society today it is hard to know what to say to whom. I myself am not a religious type person because I do not believe in organized religion. I have spent most of my life following one religion or another until I decided to study the subject of religion. I say that I am not religious but I do believe in a higher power so I am what I call a spiritual person. I find it hard to follow a belief system that has set forth rules to live by when there is just one simple rule that should be followed by all; The Golden Rule.
When I was a young girl at the impressionable age of 8 my brother convinced my mother to let me go to church with him. The church was a little Methodist Church down the road. I remember either walking to Sunday school or walking home because my father worked shift work so we did not have a way there when he was at work. That is where I received my first bible which I still own and I was introduced to the Golden Rule. I learned stories from the bible and other tales that are still a part of my thought process today.
My mother was and still claims to be of the Pentecostal persuasion. I remember going to church with my Grandmother (maternal) and the people scaring me half to death with their over zealous display of religion. I remember crying begging my mother to not make me attend again especially after one zealot shoved me back and proclaimed that I must be saved as he tapped me on my forehead and screamed in the name of Jeeessssuuuuusss.
After seeing elderly couples being wheeled in or creeping in on walkers and canes then watching them jump up and dance around as the preacher screamed his sermon I was afraid that the people were possessed but by what I was unsure.
I was happy attending Sunday School, singing in the choir and later attending teen night at Reid Memorial Methodist Church where the people were loving and talked to you in a soft tone. I never questioned what I was told as a child and was what my kids would have called a goody two shoes because I never talked back to my parents , I respected authority and I firmly believed everything my parents told me. Maybe I was just brainwashed at an earl age.
As I approach 50 I see how children behave in public. I watch as parents try to make deals with their children and plead with them or reason with them to get the child to do the simplest task. I never questioned my parents when they gave me an order I complied. I never plead or reasoned with my children because as I was raised they were raised to listen and follow orders from the adults that were in charge. I have watched friends children whom were raised in church challenge their parents and authority. What happened to following rules because they are rules and they are to be followed? I can understand as an adult having questions about laws and rules but children should be taught to follow rules period. This is when they learn right from wrong and develop their morals that take them through their life.
I have been a member of several churches throughout my adult life and I have even been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints or more better known as Mormons. No I do not know Donny and Marie and yes the church does believe that Jesus was our saviour and he died for our sins so that we may be forgiven and go to heaven when we die. I do not understand why people ask me if Mormons believe in Jesus. Why in the world would the church be called the church of Jesus Christ if they did not believe in him.
That is another reason I believe organized religion hurts us. Each religion feels that their way is the right way each denomination feels they are right. For Pete's sake you all have the same God just because there isn't a cross out side the Mormon churches doesn't mean they don't believe in Christ. They just choose to remember the living Christ and not dwell on his death and Resurrection. All religions have a similar belief system and like it or not they all have Pagan roots.
The one thing I enjoyed as a child going to Vacation Bible School was the year that we learned about other religions and visited the Jewish Community Center to learn about Judaism. I was intrigued and loved seeing the Jewish Temple and the scrolls or what ever they were called. Hey that was nearly 40 years ago not every thing I learned stuck.
Okay now that I am fully up on my soap box maybe I should conclude this sermon with the one thing that I learned as a child that has formed me as the respectful, caring, responsible adult that I have became. (I did not say I was perfect I am just an open minded individual)
The Golden Rule; Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.
Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, or what ever your belief may your December be one filled with the warmth of love and the Joy of Life.

Bush's message from Osama

Okay I just had to post this joke because it made me laugh even before I made it to the second paragraph.

Osama Letter
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice . Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad. Eventually they asked Australian Intelligence (ASIO) for help. Within a minute, ASIO emailed the White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

Merry Christmas to me!

Today was my day off from work but I still spent the day working. After sleeping in until the late hour of 9am I jumped out of bed to greet the day. This just pissed Mickey off because he thought momma was going to lay in bed all day with him. He gently stood up in the bed then groaned before jumping down and slowly walking outside to do his business. Once I was in the shower I heard the shower curtain open up so when I looked over I noticed Meatball peeking in the shower at me. After I gave him a pat on his head with my wet hand he took off to find someone else to bother. It was tough figuring out what to wear considering I only have four pair of pants that actually fit me and three of them I have to start wearing a belt because they slide off if I'm not careful. I am so grateful for the weight loss. Once I decided to wear my black jeans with the little pink heart and my little dough boy tee that states love me squeeze me take me home I was dressed and ready to go. I ripped the sheets and cover off the bed then threw them in the washer. I felt a funny tingling on my thigh to only realize that Kikki was calling me so I pulled out my cell phone to answer.
"Jello"
"Hey mom are you dressed yet?"
"Yep, so why don't you come on over?"
"Okay I'll be there in a minute are you ready to go?"
OH crap I forgot I was taking her shopping today. "Yep I'm ready just let me check my email first."
"Okay I'm on the way. Bye I love you."
I love ya too Kikki see ya in a few"

Once I put the phone away and went to boot up the computer Josh and Elizabeth came in asking what I had planned for the day. Josh was working on a small storefront up the road and said he could use some help sanding the walls they had just taped and floated. Sorry Josh but I'm taking Kikki shopping.

Once Kikki walks in we are off to the dollar store to get bowls for the pups and then Wal-Mart. Kikki is telling me about reading the mystery I just wrote and the parts that she likes. Since she is the only other person that has read any of Kinky Friedman's books I listen as she tells me that she enjoyed certain parts. I admit it was hard writing his part but I just didn't see the story working without him.
"Mom you have written other stuff and this is the best so far. Why don't you just submit one of the other books to that online publisher until you get permission for this one?"
Because you are only allowed to submit once every six months or so and I like the Mystery of the Lady in the Mist better than Betrayed."
"Mom your just stubborn"
"Damn Straight"
Then I run into an ex coworker from Kroger and she is excited to see me. We chat and she ask if I'm still stuck with the abusive asshole. I laugh because everyone calls my husband that for some reason.(Believe me I know why) I explain that I am moving out soon I'm just saving up and I will get my first full paycheck from Wal-Mart on Thursday. She ask what I'm doing for Christmas and I reply nothing but I'm giving myself the greatest gift ever.
She ask "Oh what is that?"
"I'm calling an attorney and filing for a divorce. I found one that has a payment plan."
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!

Smoke em if you got em

I must say I'm not a smoker myself but I love the aroma of a good cigar or pipe tobacco. For some reason the CSM has placed me on the express checkout for the last few days which is the only place in Wal-Mart that you can buy tobacco. I have thoroughly pissed off a couple of people when I ask for an I.D. because I can't tell if they look over 40 or not. I just follow the rules I don't make them.
Today I ended up in a discussion with a nice lady about the terrible smell of cigarettes. She did not agree with me on the aroma of pipe tobacco and cigars but I explained maybe she was smelling cheap cigars. I explained to her that my love for the aroma of a pipe or good cigar came from the fact that my grandfather smoked a pipe and a cigar plus the only thing I had ever seen my father smoke was a cigar someone had given him in celebration to the birth of a child plus he smoked these while we sat on the swing in the back yard and discussed what ever the topic was at the time. I was totally a daddy's girl.
She told me that it was great that I was a non smoker but I explained that I had been known to smoke a Swisher Sweet when I was drinking hard liquor. I don't know why I preferred to smoke the little cherry flavored cigars when I drank it was just something my sister and I used to do when we were younger and I still did it from time to time. Just this past October my kids decided to have a bonfire and I sat there to the delight of one of their friends taking shots of whiskey, smoking my little swisher sweets and licking my lips as I watched the flames dance across the wood.
I must admit I'm not your average mom, hell I'm not even anywhere close to your average woman, but I like to do things my way.
After the customer and I ended our conversation a nice older gentleman walked up wearing overalls and a cowboy hat. My smile widened a bit because I love a man in overalls and I love a cowboy so there was two of my favorite things rolled in one standing right in front of me. When he pulled out a cigar and placed it in his mouth as he reached into his pocket to pull out his money my smile widened even farther. The lady looked at my grin and ask if that was love or lust she saw in my eyes. I must say I was a bit embarrassed so I gave her my patented excuse.
"That's not lust you see sparkling in my eyes that's the barley and hops from my beer." She left laughing but the poor gentleman in the hat and overalls was lost to what the joke was to begin with when he stated that this particular Wal-Mart did not sell beer.

Break Check Dummy

Yesterday I noticed a strange grinding sound coming from the rear end of my truck. I was worried that maybe my back brake drums had broken or possibly the springs had came lose and they were grinding away. Today once I clocked out at work I headed home wondering what I was going to do if I needed parts before Thursday when I get paid.
Before I went home I stopped off at my daughter Kikki's house to tell my grand furbaby TuLu happy 4th birthday and to see some of the stuff she had bought for the upcoming skin baby. She was visibly upset because James had went off to his aunt's bar and left her home alone because he was mad at her. We talked for awhile then I hugged and kissed them all and came home to change clothes and grab a bite to eat.
Once I finished eating and all I went outside to jack up the back end of my truck and take the wheel off so I could see why my wheel was making noise. The husband stood back and watched me as I removed the driver side wheel and handed me a hammer to remove the brake drum. When I had the wheel drum off I looked over to see all the pins and springs were in place but as I looked back up I saw what the grinding noise was coming from.
One of my exhaust pipes had been rubbing on my drive shaft. I laughed and said THANK YOU.
I knew that my brakes were working but I wasn't sure what the grinding sound was so I assumed the springs had broken causing my drums to drag.
My son Josh had came out to check on my progress since I like to work on my truck in case I need to when no one is around. He slid under the truck and pulled the exhaust pipe away from the drive shaft and said "mom just get a clothes hanger and tie it off here when you get a chance."

I can not tell you how happy I am that I did not have a big brake job to worry about. I do know that I need to get a new oil pan gasket and borrow someones engine hoist to replace the gasket that is on there now because it is leaking. I love my truck and I love the time I spend working on her. I am thankful for such a great project.
I just want to say thank you daddy for teaching me as a young driver that you should be responsible for the vehicle you drive. It was your insistence in me helping you keep the little red pinto running so I would have a car to drive. It was your guidance that instilled the love of the classic trucks in my heart and your love that made me the unique woman that I am today. I love you and I miss you. I will always be your keyloulou.

Where do dreams come from?

Have you ever wondered where dreams come from? I wonder quite often because some of my dreams are a bit on the weird side like the dream where I was at an automotive supply store waiting to work on my truck and Toby Keith was there. When it came my time to work on my truck I was told I had to strip down to my underwear and have protective oil rubbed on my body. I was quite embarrassed but not as bad as when I realized that Toby was going to be the one rubbing the oil on my body. When I woke from that dream I was thoroughly confused. I have had other dreams with Toby and I will just say that Toby scares me.

There are many theories about dreams and where they come from but I don't know which way to believe. I have had some really wild ones and have written down a few for future book ideas. This past summer after the Toby dream I noticed having more and more strange dreams centering around one person so I used the dreams to write The Mystery of the Lady in the Mist. I'm not sure where these dreams came from but I do know they were entertaining to say the least. In this quite scary dream I was snatched from my truck by a man that was out to kill me. Once I had escaped from his clutches I ended up at Kinky Friedman's door with amnesia. I will not tell you what happens because you must wait for the book to come out to read the story. Before this particular dream the only thing I really knew about Kinky was what I had read in his novels and the fact that he wanted to be the Governor of Texas. Hell I voted for the guy and if he decides to run again I will volunteer in any way I can to help get him elected. I feel he is what this state needs. I don't know how much of the stuff he wrote was fiction but I must say he seems to be a character.

The wild dreams have slowed down a bit but I still get the Quintin Tarentino movie trailer dream every now and then so I just get up and write down what I can remember then turn over and try to get back to sleep. I will never forget the day I awoke from that scary dream hanging on the head board gasping for breath and my heart pounding away in my chest as if were about to explode. I sat there trying to catch my breath and slow my heart rate then mumbled "What in the hell was that?"
Thanks for the Dreams.

Patience

Since I worked an early day today I have been home for the past few hours with an angry abusive husband. It is a difficult thing to stay positive and upbeat when someone is in your ear telling you that you are going to fail. The dogs are all hiding beneath my feet as he goes on his tirade yet I sit peacefully composed. I am strong and I will not falter. I have a great future and I am loved. I just don't understand how someone can be so cruel to a person that has stood behind them and supported them for 27 years. I don't have a mean bone in my body so I just accept things for what they are and I carry on. The sad thing is there are millions of women out there in my shoes and the majority of them just roll over and take the abuse like I have. I am so glad that I had an awakening in May. I look back now and see how far I have come and I refuse to give up because I know I have a great future and I have a purpose.

On a lighter note my 8 week B.T. puppy Mater mastered the stairs beside my bed today. I let the pups run free after I came home this afternoon and as I sat on my bed reading the mail I heard Mater come bounding into the room. He saw Mickey climb the stairs to get on the bed with me and he followed. It was so cute seeing that green eyed monster come climbing up on the bed. He is an adorable little booger.

I turned the laundry room into a puppy room so the three pups could have more room to live. Now I have another expense with Mater being added to my crew. Instead of having my two boys I now have a trio. That's cute I have a B.T. Trio. Once he is old enough I will have him neutered so he will have a long happy life.

Thinking Positive

After a full day at Wal-Mart today I decided to swing by my old job at Kroger and say hello to a few of the friends I had to leave behind when I changed jobs. They were excited to see me and were going on and on about how great I looked. I thought hey it's only been two weeks what did I look like crap before? They replied no you just look happy and your glowing. I replied okay I'm not in love and I'm not pregnant so I don't know where the glow is coming from except maybe since I am re-reading The Secret maybe that is having an effect on me.
I was a bit disappointed because Scott wasn't there to give me a hug so I will have to return tomorrow to pick up my novel in progress from Shelly who has been reading it. By the way Shelly thank you for the good review and yes I wrote it, you and the rest of my Kroger coworkers watched me do it. They keep asking me for progress reports and like I say it is out of my hands right now but I am positive it will be published. I am still waiting for Kinky's permission to use his name before I send it to the publisher. I know we all agree that a collaborative effort would be a dream come true but hey he's a busy man. My main goal is to get the thing published so I can share the fun story with many. I didn't send the whole story to him because I wasn't through but now that I am I wonder if I should send him the rest of the story so he knows the end. This poses a problem. Right now I need to get some rest because I need to be at Wal-Mart at 7am.

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY My Truck has a bed

Yesterday I took my daughter Kikki to her doctors appointment and heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I still can't believe she is having a baby. Today was my day off so I was just being lazy. I stayed in bed with Mickey all snuggled up next to me and I had my arm around him holding him close. He was snoring away while Domino lay on my pillow above my head snoring in my ear. It was nice to just veg out with the two of them. When I slid out of bed I decided to make a couple homemade Holiday cards for a select few people. Now that Josh and Elizabeth are living in my craft room my crafting stuff is scattered everywhere so it was difficult to find what I needed. While I was looking for my glue I heard someone using the saw in the living room. I thought to myself I hope they have the sense to clean up the sawdust.
After awhile Kikki came over and ask for a ride to Wal-Mart so she could buy groceries. I told her let me shower and I will take you because I need to get one of those padded envelope for this card I'm making for Nancy, Tony, Kinky and all the people at The Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch. When I jumped in the shower she left but left the three puppies running lose so I had to be careful when I climbed out of the shower. When I dressed and headed for the door Elizabeth was on the computer and she said you can't leave Josh is doing something to your truck. Surprised I went out side to hear my son grinding away on something toward the back of my truck. I walked over to see all the wood cut for my bed and all the stuff needed to put it in lying in the driveway.
I was so excited I could just hug him. I didn't hug him though he handed me a pair of vice grips and said come on and help me. I looked up at the beautiful blue sky and said sure it's a gorgeous Texas day lets work on my truck.
We spent the afternoon getting off the old screws and placing the new wood and rails in. After breaking a dill bit we were almost through when we ran out of washers. Once we were through we stood back to look at the work that we had done and we were both grinning from ear to ear. I must say my truck looks so pretty with a wood bed.
One of the men from the other side of the neighborhood was driving by and stopped to tell us how good my truck looked. He asked if the asshole husband had left and I answered no he is making me leave. That made him mad but like I told him I have a great future and I have a positive outlook so I will not let him break me besides right now I'm excited because I have a bed in my truck so now I can put stuff in the back. He replied yeah stuff like your clothes and belongings so you can move on with your life. My reply "Exactly"

We finally made it to Wal-Mart and this time Kikki wasn't burried beneath her groceries because they rode in the back of my truck on my new wood bed.

Thoughts from the Dream State

The following were sayings and bits of conversation that I had saved from some of the strange dreams that I have had this year. I don't know where these little bits of inspiration came from but they seemed to touch my heart and soul. I won't tell you about the dreams to protect the innocent. LOL I do plan to use them one day as I work on other stories I have that have been inspired by my dreams.

Thoughts from the Dream State


It’s not what a man owns or whom he knows that makes him who he is; it’s what’s in his heart.
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You need to quit jumping from blossom to blossom. You need to find that one person that touches your heart, intrigues your mind and energizes your soul then just hold on for dear life. There’s no need for formality all it takes is the desire to never let go.

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Sometimes when you are out on the range you feel lost and turned around. Its times like these you just have to drop the reins and let the horse take the lead he will always carry you home. It works the same with a man. If you trust him then just relax and let him lead you home. It doesn't hurt to be led once in awhile.

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I just want that fire you know the feeling you get when you’re with the right person. Just a look, a touch, a word or an embrace sends you over the top to the point that you just lose control.

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Loving is the easy part it’s the letting go that’s the hardest and most painful.

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Sometimes it takes us going down the wrong path to help us realize where we should have been in the first place.
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We can look back and say woulda’ coulda’ shoulda’ all we want but the fact is we can never go back. The best bet is to look forward and learn our lessons from the mistakes that we made.

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I went through life trying to hide from the hurt of love but all I accomplished was a hurt deeper than that of a love lost. All I accomplished was no love at all.

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I used to look at my future as a dark empty horizon but with each conversation with you a star was added. Soon my horizon was lit up by tiny stars of hope.

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I haven’t lost my mind it’s just my perception of the world has changed but the world just can’t keep up.

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With each dream there is a seed of hope. The problem is whether these seeds are real or just something left over from Jacks Bean stalk.
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Yes my mind wonders aimlessly at times but so do I. It’s hard to keep something that wants freedom still.

The Balloon

I have always had the up most respect for Barbra Bush and I had secretly wished that she was my mother at one time. This past summer on July 2, 2007 I had this dream that I was at some type of charity function in Austin, Texas and I saw Barbra Bush standing there smiling. Somehow we began a conversation and I told her of my secret wish. As we were talking about life and children she mentioned her son George W. was going to be there and she would like to introduce me to him and Laura. I told her I would love to meet the two of them and how I saw her son as this big balloon like you see in parades all full of air and floating above us all as we looked up and awed at him floating above us but as you looked there was Laura holding his string keeping him from floating away or getting tangled in the power lines.

Then I told Barbra that I saw my self as a balloon not as big as George W. but a small yellow balloon. Then I told her the story as follows.

I see myself as this little yellow balloon. At one time I was inflated and floated carelessly through life. I was found by a man who grabbed on to my string. He held out his hand and said "Hey look at my balloon isn't she pretty" For awhile he kept me nicely inflated and held on to my string to keep me from flying away. Then in time he grew tired of others admiring him and his balloon then decided he wanted to be the one in the light. Slowly but surely be started to let out the air. Each day that went by he would shorten the string. Before long the balloon was completely deflated just hanging there on the string. The man felt a great power in doing this. But the balloon was lost unsure what to do. For years the balloon just hung there by the string blaming it self for what it had become. Maybe if it wasn't so happy then people would not have noticed and commented on the pretty balloon. Then the man would not have become jealous thus shortening the string and letting out all the air. Then one day the balloon just gave up. The once shinny material was now dull and covered in dust. Many years had passed and the balloon just wanted to rot away and disappear. One day the balloon caught a glimpse of another man holding onto a balloon proudly. The balloon was fully inflated so round so shiny and proud. The man holding the string loved his balloon and freely gave it string so it could soar. The more people that loved the balloon the prouder the man became and the more he loved the balloon. After seeing this the first balloon decided maybe there was hope for her. Without the man seeing she slowly began to fill with air, not enough to fly but just enough to be seen. He had been so used to her being deflated he had actually quit holding on to the string. Each day she began to gather a little air until she began to float just above the ground. She had hopes that someday she could be as pretty as the balloon she had seen floating happily along. The balloon felt that by lifting her own self up that maybe someday she too could soar. She waits patiently for the day when she has enough air to float away from the man that took away her air and shortened her string. She hoped someday to float by someone that would appreciate holding her string and feeding her air so that she could float. She hoped for someone that knew to feed her more string when she needed it but there to hold on so she didn't float away.
I'm still that balloon and I'm simply floating above the ground just waiting for that chance to float away. There is no one to hold my string so I must be careful not to become too inflated but I do need someone to feed me air so that I may float. I won't be the same shinny balloon that I was years ago but I can still float. Instead of a man holding my string my three precious Boston Terriers Mickey, Domino and Mater will be there to pull me down every once in awhile to keep me from getting tangled in the trees and power lines or just soaring away. Until then I simply float waiting for the chance to be blown out the door thus setting me free.

I don't know why I had this dream but I can say something happened this past summer to awaken the creative side of me that had been dormant for years. I started writing and creating things that were fueled by my dreams.
I just want to say I am grateful for my creativity and I am grateful for the great future that I have. I will remember to remember as time goes on and I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned in this lifetime. I am also grateful that I am able to float above the ground and with positive thought I will soar.

Too Much Stuff

When you work at a place where you are able to see people for what they are you end up realizing that we are nothing but consumers. We consume the air that we breathe, we consume space and we consume one another.
I am a fairly happy friendly person and I try to not let others bring me down with their negativity. I try to see the good in everyone. I enjoy the people that pass through my life as they come through my line. An elderly gentleman with a happy outlook came through the other day and when I ask how he was he replied "I'm great for an old Heb." I advised him no your great period. He enjoyed that so much he chattered away the whole time I was scanning and bagging his purchases. As I placed his bags in his cart he told me I was a sweet woman and he hoped I found my happiness. I replied I have it lies within. Laughing he walked away.
Yesterday I was extra tired and I noticed as I scanned one order after another that people buy too much stuff. Don't get me wrong if it were not for our consumer driven habits I would not have a job by all means spend your money as you please. Maybe it was all the useless holiday decorations I see coming through the lines that had me wondering or was it all those electronic gadgets. Customer after customer came through and each one had more useless stuff in their bags. I am as guilty as the next guy so I am not passing judgement. I have a collection of Boston Terrier stuff that just sits in a cabinet and collects dust that is all it is good for. I have a library of books that I have read at least once where as some I have read several times. The books are now packed away as I prepare to move when I find a place I can afford. Do I really need all this stuff that I have packed in these boxes for a month or two now. I don't even think I miss it.
There are people that rent storage places for their excess stuff that they don't use everyday. I don't want to harm the storage industry but do you really need this stuff if it is packed away in a building that you don't frequently visit?
Maybe we all need to look at our lives and see how wasteful we really are. We make mountains of garbage daily, we consume tons of useless calories with junk food, and we take up space. This year I am not buying gifts for my family I am donating to a Charity that helps others in need. I refuse to be a consumer and buy useless stuff to take up valuable space. If you know that you are on my holiday list you better pick your charity and let me know of your gift is headed to The Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch or The Boston Terrier Rescue of Greater Houston.